Did you know that 3 out of 5 people are touched by adoption?

Yet young women facing unexpected pregnancies still don’t understand their choices in today’s modern adoption.  They continue to believe that it is “giving a baby away” like it was in the 1950s.

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In fact, in today’s pregnancy centers, when a counselor brings up adoption, the most common response they hear from women is, “I could never give my baby away!”

The reality is that modern adoption is not giving a baby away.  Today, pregnant mothers make adoption plans for their babies that include many aspects of helping to determine what their child’s life will be like in the future.

At our adoption agency, the most common question we get is “What is the adoption process?” Women truly don’t know or understand what adoption can look like.  With Modern Adoption today, women choose:

Who Adopts Their Baby

Women can choose from a variety of adoptive families, all of whom have had thorough background checks, home visits, and education about parenting. There are families of all races, religions, and locations available.  A birth mother can decide that she would like the family to live near her or in another state. She looks through profiles of waiting families and finds the family that has the values and lifestyle she would like her baby raised with.

Adoptive family profiles are online, many now including video messages so pregnant mothers can get a true sense of what the family is like prior to learning more.  A mother can search and find adoptive families based on what she is looking for.

Once a birth mother narrows down her choices, she can speak by phone, email, or text and get to know them. She can ask all the questions she has on her mind and make sure they agree with her vision of contact after the adoption.

What Happens at the Hospital

Giving birth can cause some anxiety for most women, and add to that an adoption scenario, and the anxiety can rise. With modern adoption, the birth mother can pre-determine how the hospital stay will go for her and her baby. She can decide who is in the room when she gives birth, who will hold the baby first, who will leave the hospital first and many other decisions. She can make her own adoption birth plan that ensures her needs are met. Once again, the birth mother has control and can make the decisions for herself and her baby that feel most comfortable to her.

Contact After Adoption

Today, in modern adoption, healthy contact after adoption is shown to be the best for everyone – birth mother, adoptive parents, and adoptee. As with who adopts her baby, a birth mother can choose a family that agrees with how much contact to have after the adoption is final. This contact can range from updates and pictures to shared social media pages and even visits occasionally. The birth father can also be involved in the contact, even if he and the birth mother are no longer in a relationship. Contact can even be extended to birth grandparents if desired. Some birth families and adoptive families end up feeling like extended family.

Open adoption benefits everyone in the adoption triad. The birth parents know that their child is loved and cared for, the adoptive parents have the medical and genetic information for their child, most importantly, the child benefits because they know their story and where they came from. It has been shown that children who know they are adopted from a young age and know their birth parents and their story have higher self-esteem and are more confident.

Modern adoption is about communication and sharing of information. It allows birth parents the option of choosing a family for their baby and an option to remain a part of their lives. How much contact varies, and it is up to the birth parents to decide what they are comfortable with. Some prefer very little contact, and some prefer a lot. The magic is matching birth parents and adoptive parents that click and are on the same page.

How You Can Help

For those of us who work with pregnant women, it is our responsibility to educate every pregnant woman about the facts of modern adoption. Doctors, nurses, social workers and those who work in pregnancy centers need to be up to date on all the information surrounding adoption and the benefits of modern, open adoption.

For others, share positive adoption messages on social media or while communicating with the public.  You never know when you may reach a woman dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, or a friend of a woman that is unsure what to do about her pregnancy. Your message may meet a mother of a pregnant teen or the sister of an expectant woman who is not ready to parent.

You can also ask to speak with your pastor or minister to share how adoption can be such a blessing for the birth parents, adoptive parents and the child. Providing those who counsel women who may be facing an unplanned pregnancy with the tools to guide and educate them is a gift you must give. Sharing the benefits of open adoption is a duty we all must take seriously.

For more information, call Lifetime Adoption at 727-493-0933 or follow us on Facebook.  Medical facilities, pastors, counselors and other can request free adoption brochures to share the message with pregnant women about the opportunities and choices through modern adoption.

Heather Featherston is the Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, a licensed child-placing agency that provides adoption services to pregnant women nationwide.  Lifetime provides a 24 hour talk/text hotline (1-800-923-6784) for women needing to talk about adoption as an option for their unexpected or unwanted pregnancy. Photo credit: Unsplash.