I Prayed have prayed
Lord, we thank you for who you are. You are a God that gives each one of us freedom in all ways. We pray over the LGBTQ+ community and that you would continue setting each one of them free by your precious love.
Reading Time: 8 minutes

We loved reading this beautiful testimony from a former transgender that was changed by the radical love of Jesus. Below is her story.

I am a former transgender, having lived it for almost 9 years. I underwent years of cross-sex hormone therapy, 2 major “gender-affirming” surgeries, and all of the legal changes. . . .

I would describe myself as a disciple of Christ, but it wasn’t always that way… I spent nearly twenty years of abject, intentional rebellion against God, nearly 9 years of which I lived as transgender. I hated God, I hated my family, and I hated the person I was. It wouldn’t be true, though, to say I hated myself: I loved myself probably to the point of narcissism. I worshiped at the altar of self. The problem was, I worshiped who I wanted to be and who I believed I was, and not who God created me to be.

The thoughts and feelings started early in childhood from a misunderstood relationship with my mom, believing she loved boys more than girls because of how differently she treated my brother and I. She was extremely religious and exhausted herself trying to be the perfect Christian. But in the mean time was agitated, irritable, and often didn’t want me around as I was hyper and likely on the obnoxious side.

To reinforce the sting, I learned my mom had miscarried two boys before me. When i excitedly said one day “Hey, if my brothers had lived we would have five kids”, it was met with a devastating blow: “No, we only wanted to have three kids. You likely wouldn’t be here if either of them had lived.” I know this was meant to tell me how much God must have wanted me to be here. But i felt guilty. My brothers had to die for me to be born… I became even more confused when I was molested at the age of eight and became very sexualized.

I spent the next 25 years trying to get fulfillment and love through sex. In high school as men objectified me (and women in general) more and more and I began to believe it was a disgusting, filthy, worthless thing to be a female, I decided that I was supposed to have been a man and began the journey of “transitioning”.

But after years of hormone therapies, a double mastectomy/chest reconstruction, the removal of all female organs, and all of the legal name and gender status changes, I was empty and broken. I was devastated to realize that none of the changes I was making had actually made me a man, and I knew they never would. All I had done was change the outside. So then I felt trapped in a world between male and female. I truly believed I was not a woman, but I knew I could never be a man, no matter how badly I wanted it.

Instead, I lived in a world of lies, suspended in limbo between reality and fantasy. I wanted to erase the existence of Laura so badly that even after realizing I could not be a man, I decided to hide and pretend and be the “best man I could be” rather than embracing myself as a woman. It’s funny: in the first months of my transition I often described myself before “coming out” as having been wearing a mask of a female identity, but that no one but me realized it was a mask. Just three years or so later, it was my transgender identity that had become the mask.

What had promised to be freedom had in fact become my prison cell. I soon became enslaved to wearing clothes that never fit right, injecting myself over and over with needles (hormones, not recreational drugs), and wearing prosthetics that were a constant reminder of how fake it all was. As the years went by God gently drew me back towards Him. He never let me forget who I was, no matter how hard I tried to forget. My mom refused to call me Jake and her stubborn insistence on calling me Laura was a tether to reality for me. At the time I hated it, but it became a lifeline.

Though my relationship with my parents had been almost non-existent for years aside from the occasional phone call or dinner meeting, my mom asked me one day to make a website for her Bible study that she was teaching. I agreed, though I had no interest in Bible study, because she agreed to pay me for it and I needed both the money and the experience. Little did I know God would crumble my walls of prideful defense that had kept Him on the outside for so long. As I read the words in the lessons (to make a summary for each one), the ice that encased my heart began to melt. For the first time in my life I began to see God’s love and faithfulness in His Word.

Over the next few months I began to call my mom every day after work. She patiently answered my questions about the Bible. One day I said “Mom, how did I get here? Six months ago I was 180 degrees from where I am now. All I want is to learn more about the Bible.” She said, “I have been praying that God would draw you back like a magnet.” And that’s exactly what He had done! What’s more I realized that the angry, stressed-out, exhausted legalistic mother I grew up with, had been completely transformed, and her religion had been exchanged for real faith. She was now filled with the Holy Spirit rather than rules and fleshly attempts to please God.

And the moment I saw the complete regeneration in my mom, was the moment I knew that the gospel was true. Not just true intellectually, not just true historically, but that Jesus was indeed alive and that it was deeply and profoundly real. As a result, I whole-heartedly gave my life to Christ. But God wasn’t through with me.

I wanted so desperately to be a man of God. And I tried convincing myself that God had intended me to be a man. Maybe it was a birth defect or something like that. I could not face the fact that I was a woman. But through Dr. Everett Piper, a man I heard consistently on the radio over the following months saying “We are not just made up of our feelings, instincts and inclinations. But we are made in the image of God and we can choose our behavior, despite how we feel.” I didn’t want to admit he was right. But I knew it was true.

And as I began to wrestle with this and admit that my lifestyle was a choice, the Lord began to reveal the ugliness and the insanity of being “transgender”. He asked me one night: “If you stood before me tonight, what name would I call?” That question stopped me in my tracks. I had hoped so desperately that God accepted me as Jake. But then in the most loving voice I have ever heard, the Creator of the Universe whispered to me, “Let me tell you who you are.”

I was hit so hard with conviction and I was so desperate to get out of the transgender lifestyle, but I was afraid it was too late. I had lived in complete stealth as I called it: no one except family and my partner knew I was transgender. I didn’t know how to fix it.

So over the next month I cried out to God with all my heart, begging Him to take my life. Due to the conviction, I suddenly felt a break in the fellowship with God. Though I know He never left me, the peace and comfort was gone. I felt like I had fallen into a deep, dark pit from which I could not escape.

But when I was finally desperate enough that I was willing to do absolutely anything to be free, I had a clear vision of Jesus getting down on one knee, reaching into the pit with arm outstretch towards me and asked, “Do you trust me?” I knew He was asking me to leave everything and follow Him in faith. I said I did, and I walked away from everything I had known: my job, my partner of almost 9 years, my financial security, and my entire identity to follow Christ.

Over the next few days I cried uncontrollably. I felt completely dead. In fact, the first day, I went back to my apartment that afternoon. And after nearly a decade of being together, most of that in that apartment, my partner hugged me and I felt like i was in the arms of a stranger. And that night as we watched a movie in our living room, I felt like I was in a hotel room. I asked God what was going on and He said “I have cut the cord on your old life and you are not going back.” As hard as that was to face, there was comfort knowing God was in control. It was still my decision, but I knew I would never have peace if I stayed.

So, the next day I returned to my parents house where I had agreed to live for the next few months while I transitioned back. But after three days I went with my mom to her Bible study. When I walked into the room I was met with more joy, hugs, and overwhelming love than I have ever known in my life from women I did not know. Those women had prayed for me for years and were so happy to see me come home. I was so overwhelmed with the love I received from women, affirming me and loving me as a woman, that my heart was completely transformed and the belief that I was meant to be a man vanished.

And the very next day we went shopping and I embraced buying feminine clothing. But there would still be a path to wholeness, to truly love being a woman.

 

That was about three and a half years ago, and in that time God has peeled away the layers of the proverbial onion. He has helped me understand the causes and has healed me and brought forgiveness and wholeness to my heart. He has revealed His heart for women and how wonderful His creation of the woman is and how beautiful it is.

For the first time in my life, I not only love being a woman, but can truly see what a girl I was all along. Memories of my “girliness” have flooded back and i can see this is who I was all along. In fact, people are often shocked now at how feminine I have become, and it is no act. I have simply allowed God to peel off the false masculine that I had covered myself in.

As He says in Psalm 139:14-16 “14 I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well. 15 My substance was not hid from thee, when I was made in secret, and curiously wrought in the lowest parts of the earth. 16 Thine eyes did see my substance, yet being imperfect; and in thy book all my members were written, which in continuance were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them.”

A testimony is shared knowing that God can do it again. Share how this story touched your heart in the comments below!

(Used with permission. Read more at Transgender to Transformed. Article by Laura Perry. You can purchase the book at this link: https://transgendertotransformed.com/product/order-for-transgender-to-transformed-book/. Photo by Aaron Burden/Unsplash)

Video Links

See my mom and I share our testimonies together: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4G1gcgX50SM&t=162s

See a short CBN version of my testimony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucdLlJi8j50&t=23s

See a video I made called “Can You Be Transgender and Christian?” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWXn9oTZ6dQ

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Verna Knox
June 10, 2021

Please pray for my friend’s grandaughter, Madison. She has just graduated from high school, and plans to transgender in July. Also pray for her family.
Grandma is a prayer warrior, but her heart is breaking.

Thank you.

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Carrie W
June 9, 2021

Laura, I rejoice with you as you accept your true identity. You are unique and beautiful as a woman of God. You being open and honest with your story will facilitate healing for many caught up in transgender deception. As God heals our hearts wounded by all sorts of real and perceived rejection our identity confusion does change and we can accept ourselves as God created us — man or woman, male or female.
I too grew up with gender confusion and tried to reject my femininity. As I looked at the rejection and abandonment that was real and perceived by me and forgave those who abanded, abused, or rejected me, my feelings about myself changed and I grew comfortable with myself as a woman and accepted myself as God created me, a woman of God. God is so loving and he wants us to share our stories with others to help them discover God and his love for them.

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Lisa Williams
June 9, 2021

God is so, so good. He is so amazing. Thank you for sharing. Our true identity can only be found in Him. The Lord freed me from a lesbian lifestyle. I have been free for many years, thank YOU Jesus!
Father, bring Your freedom to those held captive by false identities. Draw them to Jesus. Let them find total freedom in You. Thank You Lord!

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Rosalie Skwiers
June 8, 2021

Thank you for sharing. It encouraged me that her mother’s prayers worked.

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Nancy
June 8, 2021

Thank you, Laura, for sharing your journey with all of us. It so touched my heart and I pray that God allows you to help many who are confused about their God-given identity to come into the freedom that God has for them.

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Lynne
June 8, 2021

Praise God for the healing brought to this beautiful young woman. May he continue to bless her in her life going forward. What a beautiful story of God’s love made so evident.

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Cheryl E.
June 8, 2021

God made you beautifully and it is evident. Thank you for sharing your story to inspire others. God bless you.

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Adela
June 8, 2021

Thank you Laura! We are just getting started in this long journey! I’d love to ask you questions!

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Bonnie Kay White
June 8, 2021

What a refreshing testimony! I have felt that God has opened my eyes to the gigantic love He has for the the LGTB+ Community while attending Religious Studies at Indiana University.

I am a lifelong RN, BSN who will retire in 5 years and begin my new career as Hospice or Hospital Chaplin. Congratulations Laura! Our God is an Awesome God!He is the heart knower. He always sees your heart. I pray much success in the future for you dear!

Bonnie W.

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Sharon Culp
June 8, 2021

Praise God from whom all blessings flow. Praise Him for His long-suffering towards us as we go from rebellion to surrender. Thank God for taking us all from the darkness unto His Marvelous Light. Thank the Lord we are perfectly and wonderfully made male or female per His perfect design. Lord bind Satan from using hurts from our past, imperfect parents, Satan’s lies and luring us from Truth. For all those deceived may You draw them to You Lord and set them free. And when they are freed they will be free indeed. To You be the Glory forever and ever. Amen

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J Kingma
June 8, 2021

You are such a loving Father! Thank You for this testimony! Thank You for Your love! Thank You for Laura! Bless and strengthen this sister of ours! Use her pain to release many from their pain and darkness. Shine Your bright light into this dark world. I pray for Anissa and Elizabeth, for their pain which is so similar. Heal moms and daughters. Expose sins of sexual abuse. Bring healing and repentance to the ones You love. To Him who is able to abundantly more than all we ask or imagine, we pray in Jesus’ powerful Name!

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Victoria Z
June 8, 2021

Father in the name of Jesus i ask you to continue to bless and restore Laura, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, Jesus it would be “so YOU” to touch her and let the female reproductive organs she had surgically removed miraculously grow back even as you reattached the ear of the guard that Peter had cut off, Father Lying and religious spirits enticed Laura to cut off her organs, yes she agreed to the lies but she was deceived like Eve was, Father those spirits are strong in our world this day, but you have overcome them, you had mercy on Eve when she was deceived, you yourself rose up as humanity’s sacrifice and said everything is possible with God and those who ask receive, so we ask these things for Laura, let your glorious love and mercy triumph over her former self decimating actions surgically removing her inward and outward reproductive parts, a decision which was a result of deception and feeling unloved by a mother in bondage to religion. Father restore Laura’s full reproductive womanhood and even let her marry and have children if that is your and her desire, not to prove who you are or even to prove how good you are or how much you truly love her, but do it to honor your WORD Jesus, in the beginning was the WORD and the WORD was WITH GOD and WAS God and the word became flesh and dwelled among us. Send your word to undo what only SEEMS impossible, restore all that was surgically removed and restore the years the locusts ate in the lives and relationships of this precious family, in Jesus name we ask believing! Jesus you did not want the limelight when you walked the earth you did not want fame or fortune you simply wanted to do the will of the Father, and you preformed miracles at HIS leading and discretion but you gave to all who asked, healed all who asked, and even lepers who were afterward ungrateful, Jesus you will get fame doing outstanding miracles in our day, and though you do not want fame or people to be sign seekers and those that seek your hand not your face, but Jesus our world needs your miracles, not for signs TO believe because we DO believe but our world is in need of you performing your word, churches and people have bought into strong spiritual religious seducing lies like Laura did, religion is like spiritual homosexualism seeking to reproduce an authentic christian experience through teachers (men) instead of you and your word and spiritual transgenderism thinks you dont love mankind humanbeings as IS, that we need to somehow transform OURSELVES into spiritual sons, yet we can not in our own strength and willpower or through a teacher or prophet, only a true relationship with YOU our living WORD and Savior and your love and mercy can transform us! Father! Step in and deliver our world from these false spiritual identities, false spiritual and physical transgenderism and homosexuality for your glory and our salvation, in Jesus name, we receive it and thank you for manifesting the answers to our prayers. We say like the three Hebrew youth though that even if you do not deliver we will not worship their gods but oh Lord how Amazed Nebuchadnezzar was to see that in fact you DID miraculously deliver those uncompromising youth!! We desire yo be that uncompromising Lord that you would shock and rock our world like you did Nebuchadnezzars through the faithfulness of those youth! Do it Lord we ask! Remove our dross and glorify yourself in and through us in our trials and in our overcoming victories through your blood and your word which is our testimony. Thank you!!

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Nan
June 8, 2021

Father God , I praise You for transforming Laura and giving her a ministry to help others. Father , bless her and give her favor with You and with man every where she goes . Thank You Father for sending Your Spirit to do a mighty work in her heart . I praise You Father for You alone are worthy of all praise , honor and glory , help us Your people in the battles we face while on earth in Jesus Mighty and Holy name ,Amen

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Joli
June 8, 2021

It gave me so much hope for those I love who need to be set free. She also encouraged me to keep on keeping on in sharing Psalm 139 everywhere God opens the door as my husband and I travel and share a Biblical worldview. Pray for my sister Alba. Pray for a 12 year old girl, Emily, being groomed on by those in the lgbtq community.

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    Victoria Z
    June 8, 2021

    Father i join Joli’s prayers and the faith In you and in your word that you have given us, we come in boldness asking for Your divine intervention in the lives of Alba and Emily, woo them with your love that is no one else’s, pure and clean faithful true and unfailing, and bring down any Spiritual barriers toward you and your love that they may have built up, Jesus save them and show them their true God given identity in body soul spirit physically mentally sexually And help them embrace it in all faith and purity and embrace you eternally as their kind and loving savior, in Jesus name we thank you and receive it and call it done!

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