She sat across from me in the lobby of a cheap motel, looking worn and sad. A police officer had referred her to me for help. She’d fled her house upon learning that her abusive ex had ordered a hit on her from prison, and someone had just tried breaking into the house. Only a year before, when that abuser was still her husband, he had held her hostage with a knife to her throat. This was the culmination of years of abuse. She managed to escape, bleeding, before a SWAT team penetrated the barricaded house and arrested the man. Somehow, they failed to notify me even though I was a chaplain and the nearest certified victim advocate.

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“I did not know how to be a victim,” she said. She received little to no help and did not know where to turn to receive any permanent protection. I connected her with a domestic-violence shelter and professionals who could help her through the Georgia legal system.

Her story is one of many, and domestic abuse appears to be on the rise. Headline stories about the horrendous abuse of children by their parents appear almost every week. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, nearly 20 people per minute experience domestic abuse in the United States, amounting to about 10 million women and men annually. One in four women and one in nine men have experienced some form of domestic abuse. Adding to the complexity of the issue is the reality of immigrants from cultures where domestic abuse is even more rampant. My position was created because an immigrant had sued our city after being arrested for beating his wife. His argument? “That’s normal in my culture, so I should have the right to beat my wife.”

Most states have a statute of limitations on how long a victim can file a report after the abuse has occurred. Some have recently extended it, but in most cases, it ranges between two and six years, depending on the severity of the abuse and whether the victim is a child or an adult.

Even though a statute of limitations must legally be in place to avoid abuse of the system, or flimsy cases built on memories of something that has occurred long ago, this poses a problem for abuse victims.

In many cases, physical abuse is only the tip of the iceberg, because it is often preceded by a long period of emotional and psychological abuse through which the victim is made to believe the abuse is his or her own fault. On top of that, abusers will threaten their victims with more abuse and even death if they report anything to law enforcement. Many victims will even cover for their abusers and lie about their injuries. Victim-advocacy professionals point to cycles of abuse. A relationship can deteriorate to the point of becoming abusive. First, there is emotional abuse, then psychological abuse followed by threats, and ultimately physical violence. Strangely enough, that is often followed by a “honeymoon period,” during which the abuser becomes very apologetic and perhaps lavishes gifts on the victim, promising never to do it again. For a while, things stay calm until a new trigger point occurs, and the cycle begins afresh.

Many victims believe their abusers when they say they don’t mean it or that it’s the victim’s own fault. As a result, they become trapped in a fear-based relationship that only gets broken when law enforcement or concerned family and friends intervene, bringing about physical separation. Sometimes that separation involves the perpetrator’s arrest and a provision for the victim of advice on ways to file for protective orders. At other times, the victims leave the abuser of their own free will and seek shelter elsewhere. Substance abuse is often involved, and the perpetrator’s addiction is the excuse for the abuse, even in the victim’s eyes.

The law has been slow to catch up with victim needs. Victim advocacy services attached to district attorney offices or law-enforcement agencies are relatively new, beginning with the Family Violence Preventions and Services Act of 1984. Implementation varies widely by state and even by county, and resources for victims remain relatively scarce. Often, victims don’t even know they exist, as was the case with the abuse victim I interviewed in that motel lobby.

Criminal laws still have a long way to go in ensuring that cycles of abuse are broken. They are strictest in the case of child abuse. But abuse between partners is typically only lightly punished, unless it reaches a felony level, which means that severe bodily injury has occurred. Perpetrators of misdemeanor levels of domestic violence such as pushing, shoving, slapping, and choking with visible minor injuries are often sentenced to domestic-violence prevention classes on first offense, in lieu of which the conviction gets expunged from the record. The classes are often a formality and do little to prevent future abuse.

Law enforcement considers no one the victim of a crime unless the arrest of a perpetrator has occurred. For such an arrest to take place, there must first be cause — such as third-party eyewitness accounts, or visible injuries. Only then will a victim receive a referral to any victim’s assistance programs — if any are even available. According to the letter of the law, the complainant is right. But the realities of domestic abuse are far more nuanced. Emotional and psychological abuse leaves deep scars even when no harmful physical contact has occurred. Someone who is constantly being bullied, called names, or deprived of freedom of movement is as much a victim as someone who has been physically abused — but not according to the law, which is why it is so hard for them to get help.

And help they do need. I have dealt with cases in which powerful and wealthy husbands have divorced their wives after years of abuse and then left them destitute. The wives could not afford lawyers or therapists to help them recover from their wounds. Help is available, but it may not be easy to find. The national Domestic Violence Hotline is a great start, though victims must still be connected with local resources. Victims may also tend to believe that their abusers will reform “if only they will seek help.” I have often had to explain that abusers carry deep-seated fears for which they compensate by being extremely controlling of those closest to them, even to the point of physical violence. Unless those soul wounds are healed, the abuse will recur. To heal those wounds, only God can reach where therapy cannot. And here, an abuser must be willing to seek Him.

Hope in God

It does not surprise me that abuse is on the rise. We are living in the biblical last days, about which Jesus said: And because lawlessness will abound, the love of many will grow cold (Matthew 24:12 NKJV). The world in which we live offers less and less in the way of safety. It can offer relatively little of the mental health restoration needed for abuse recovery. And Satan is working hard to destroy marriages and families through abuse, violence, addictions, and mental health issues.

But when the world can’t, God can.

Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God, who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; who executes justice for the oppressed, who gives food to the hungry. The Lord sets the prisoners free; the Lord opens the eyes of the blind. The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down; the Lord loves the righteous. The Lord watches over the sojourners; he upholds the widow and the fatherless, but the way of the wicked he brings to ruin (Psalm 146:5–9).

I have had the privilege of introducing or reintroducing the victims of domestic violence to Christ and of seeing Him open doors for them that they never thought could open. I have seen Him heal their souls from the often horrendously skewed view they’ve had of themselves following years of indoctrination. He is the only real hope for the victims of abuse of any age, because He lifts those who are bowed down and executes justice for the oppressed. He understands abuse and is the only one who can look deeply enough into a person’s soul to see the wounds they carry and to heal them.

So, we must pray for the victims of domestic violence — adults and children; men and women. They need God and often know it more than others because of their pain that no one else can heal.

• Pray that God will raise up more Christian shelters and victims’ assistance programs in which victims can get the practical and spiritual help they need.
• Pray that God’s eyes might go to and fro through the United States to find abuse victims and that He would orchestrate help and deliverance from abusive relationships.
• Pray that He would give victims the courage to report.
• Pray that they might find Christ and receive healing for their souls through loving and effective ministry.
• Pray for national, state, and county governments to become aware of the rise in domestic violence and pass laws that increase punishment for perpetrators and provide more help for the victims.
• Pray that churches will be portals where for abuse victims can go and receive connections to effective help resources.

Merciful God, we pray for the roughly 10 million abuse victims in the United States today. Please enable them to find adequate legal, practical, and emotional help. Above all, we pray that they will find Christ and enter a relationship with Him in which they receive love, healing, acceptance, and affirmation. In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Please share this important teaching on interceding for the rescue of the victims of abuse, and also for the repentance of  the perpetrators.

Remco Brommet is a pastor, spiritual-growth teacher, and prayer leader with over 40 years of experience in Europe, Southeast Asia, Africa, and the U.S. He was born and raised in the Netherlands and pastored his first church in Amsterdam. He moved to the U.S. in 1986. He and his wife, Jennifer, live north of Atlanta. When not writing books, he blogs at www.deeperlifeblog.com and assists his wife as a content developer and prayer coordinator for True Identity Ministries. Jennifer and Remco are passionate about bringing people into a deeper relationship with Christ.