Rejection is something that almost every person has dealt with at one point in their life or another.

Maybe you were picked last for the team in school. Maybe you were looked over for a promotion. Maybe you were betrayed by a spouse or partner. Maybe your parents neglected or abandoned you. Maybe it was some other kind of rejection. Whatever your story, rejection is a major tool of the enemy to hinder your relationship with God. Regardless of the reasons, you can be free from the sting of rejection. 

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This isn’t just a piece of my testimony, it is my testimony.  I grew up in a single parent, non-christian home with my siblings. My dad was rarely a part of the picture; he offered many  excuses and blame shifting reasons for his absence. 

My mom wasn’t perfect either. There are things that now I know were wrong, but at the time I accepted it as a child. In my immature mind, my dad abandoned us and that made him the greater offender. When I was 14, my mom became very sick. She was in and out of the hospital often, sometimes staying for weeks. It was heart wrenching watching her in pain and extremely lonely. She was given no hope. When I was 15 the worst happened–she passed away from a rare kidney disease. 

My life as I knew it was over. Still a teen in high school, I felt completely abandoned. Though I was not a Christian, I blamed God for making us orphans. I honestly didn’t know how I could live without her. I became suicidal and reckless. I started to dabble with drugs and alcohol to cope with the overwhelming pain and racing thoughts that would not leave. Anger and resentment began to well up towards my dad and others. It was a dark time. I coped by either numbing the pain or isolating myself from people.

A year later I met a guy who came from a Christian home and we began dating. (He’s my husband now.) I would hear about Jesus from his family and it irritated me. I had no interest, after all I blamed Jesus for ruining my life. I wanted nothing to do with this Jesus they talked about. I became pregnant at 17 and we were not married. Well-meaning family told me that I didn’t have to have the baby. They said I had “options.” I knew they were speaking of abortion. Although I wasn’t a Christian it was not an option.

In disbelief, I listened to my extended family tell me I would ruin my life by having a child early. They told me how my mom’s greatest mistake was having us early. The greatest bombshell of all was dropped on me–my mom tried to get rid of me when she was almost 8 months pregnant. She had no money for an abortion so she took drugs, hoping I wouldn’t survive. I was also told she tried committing suicide while pregnant with me. (By the grace and mercy of God we both survived.) 

I felt as if my heart had been ripped out of my chest. Why would they tell me this? The one person I loved the most didn’t even want me.  “Would I ever be accepted? Why was I born? I’m just my mother’s mistake. Who could ever love someone like me?”  These are some of the tormenting thoughts of a 17 year old girl having a major identity crisis. 

The root of rejection really took over my life. I went from just having “daddy issues” to now mommy issues. The rejection I felt as a child from my dad, mom, and peers at school led me to believe I would never be loved or accepted. I would always be the outsider looking in. After finding out about my mom I resented her even though she was gone. I could not confront her for answers. I had no idea who I was. 

How rejection affected me personally

I married and had my daughter. A few years later, my son was born and I became a Christian. 

Did the fruit of my rejection, the abandonment issues, resentment, striving, and other issues just magically disappear? No! They followed me, haunting my marriage and family because I didn’t deal with the root of those issues. The root was rejection. 

My husband, who had always been a hardworking man, became a workaholic and then an alcoholic. I felt as if history was repeating itself. I spent much time alone and often cried out to God over it.

Although I was born again and a child of God, I still felt unwanted and unloved. I still feared being abandoned. I still had deep resentment and unforgiveness towards many people. 

I began to strive in marriage for perfection, becoming a people pleaser and saying yes to anything. This often led to being taken advantage of. I felt like Leah in the Bible. She strove for Jacob’s love and acceptance (see Genesis 29). The Lord showed me a picture of myself in her story. When I read of how Leah strived for Jacob’s love, even saying, “This time my husband will love me (Gen 29:32),” I bawled.  I had never related to a Bible character so much. Because of the biblical culture at that time, being fruitful and having children was a high honor. So Leah was sure that giving Jacob children would win his affection. Sadly, it was not the case. Leah’s whole identity was wrapped up in being a wife and mother, and nothing more. That is exactly how I felt even as a Christian.

Leah’s revelation and my celebration

As Leah is having her fourth son, something shifts. She names her fourth son Judah, and declares, “This time I will praise the Lord!” Suddenly, for the first time, Leah’s focus is on the Lord and not her husband. This was the breakthrough for me personally in my marriage. 

I strived so much for my husband to love me when I already had him. We took vows, we were married. Abandonment was such a part of my life that I felt I had to perform for him to love me. He already did, but I couldn’t see it because my relationships were filtered through the lens of rejection. I had wrongly believed it was only a matter of time before he left me, because everyone else did (or so I thought). I turned my prayers and praise to God, and surrendered my marriage, my deepest fears, my loneliness, everything to Him and it was freeing. I was not just a wife and mother. I belong to God and He loves me. 

Freedom from legalism

The roots of rejection ran deep and permeated many areas of my life, including my relationships with people and my relationship with God. I was on fire for God. I loved Him and wanted to please Him. At the same time, my church was legalistic with many rules, much condemnation, and little mercy. Soon my fire for God became quenched by legalism. I judged everyone for not meeting my standards. This hurt relationships with my family, friends, and my children. I did a lot of damage without realizing it at the time. 

Over time I learned legalism, and striving, is rooted in rejection. I acted out of the lie that if I was the “perfect Christian” then God would really be pleased with me. The truth is that God had already promised in his Word that He would never leave me, forsake me, or abandon me. So why was I trying to earn his acceptance so badly? Rejection.

We need have no fear of someone who loves us perfectly; his perfect love for us eliminates all dread of what he might do to us. If we are afraid, it is for fear of what he might do to us and shows that we are not fully convinced that he really loves us. (1 Jn. 4:18 LBT)

Legalism is not rooted in love, but being afraid of God. If we walk in a constant fear of punishment, how are we walking in the love of God? We are not! We are striving. We are walking in religion and not in a relationship. That verse says, “Perfect love casts out all fear.” The perfect love of God gives us assurance that we belong to Him, so we need not fear His abandonment or withdrawing His love from us. 

Once again I found myself needing to be delivered from the orphan mentality. I didn’t realize how much rejection was still a part of my life, even as a Christian who loved the Lord. 

He opened my eyes to his Word and spoke during times of prayer. 

As rejection from others continued, I cried out to the Lord in prayer. Once I said, “Lord, doesn’t anyone understand this pain of constantly being rejected by loved ones?” His reply silenced me. He said, “Yes, Jesus understands.” This scripture instantly came to my mind:

He was despised and rejected— a man of sorrows, acquainted with deepest grief. We turned our backs on him and looked the other way. He was despised, and we did not care. (Is 53:3)

We tend to look at Jesus only after the cross, as the victorious one. However, in this verse, He is the man of sorrows who is despised and rejected. Jesus understood my rejection from loved ones because he was rejected. He was rejected by his brothers. He was rejected by the religious leaders. He was rejected by the ones he loved, the ones he came to die for. He had done nothing wrong. But, this is critical to understand–He didn’t just carry our sins and sickness, he also carried our rejection, shame, and humiliation. He has borne my rejection and your rejection.

For we do not have a High Priest Who is unable to understand and sympathize and have a shared feeling with our weaknesses and infirmities and liability to the assaults of temptation, but One Who has been tempted in every respect as we are, yet without sinning.

Let us then fearlessly and confidently and boldly draw near to the throne of grace (the throne of God’s unmerited favor to us sinners), that we may receive mercy [for our failures] and find grace to help in good time for every need [appropriate help and well-timed help, coming just when we need it]. (Heb 4:15,16 AMP-C)

Our High Priest/ Intercessor (Jesus) understands and sympathizes with your pain because He felt it on the cross. But the next verse says, let us fearlessly, confidently, and boldly come to the throne of grace. Those three words tell us there is nothing to fear. You will not be rejected or turned away by your heavenly Father. The finished work of Jesus on the cross made sure of that. In fact God the Father longs for His children to draw near. 

God is not like your earthly father

We all tend to look at God as Father through the lens of our earthly fathers. In my case that was true. My father was mostly absent and uninvolved, so that’s how I viewed God. “Where was God when I was afraid, being traumatized, in pain, in solitude? When I needed help, where was He?”  

He was not close to me but far away, until this verse came alive.

If you, imperfect as you are, know how to lovingly take care of your children and give them what’s best, how much more ready is your heavenly Father to give wonderful gifts to those who ask him?” (Mt 7:11 TPT)

My earthly parents were imperfect. I prided myself on being a good mother. I determined not to make the same mistakes with my children that were made with me. If a person so imperfect as me lovingly cared for my children, how much more does God love me, my children, and all who are His?

Maybe you didn’t come from a broken home. Maybe you had wonderful earthly parents. No matter how loving your parents are, God’s love for you is even greater. All other love fails in comparison to the love of God for you. 

I prayed and thanked God for His love and mercy. I thanked Jesus for the cross. Because of it I had an understanding that I was accepted in Christ and no amount of rejection would ever change that. This is what set me free from legalism and the torment of rejection.

Understand who you are. You are accepted in the Beloved. You were chosen by God before you were even born. You are a part of God’s plan for something greater. You are a son/daughter of God. This is your portion! This is your inheritance! 

This is what I walked through, perhaps what you went through is so traumatic and painful you will not talk about with anyone. I leave you with what the Lord told me when I was in agony. “Jesus understands.”

Even as [in His love] He chose us [actually picked us out for Himself as His own] in Christ before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy (consecrated and set apart for Him) and blameless in His sight, even above reproach, before Him in love. For He foreordained us (destined us, planned in love for us) to be adopted (revealed) as His own children through Jesus Christ, in accordance with the purpose of His will ]because it pleased Him and was His kind intent]— [So that we might be] to the praise and the commendation of His glorious grace (favor and mercy), which He so freely bestowed on us in the Beloved. (Eph. 1:4-6 AMP-C)

Dear Father,

Thank you that through your Son Jesus Christ I can come to you.  Your Word says You chose me for Yourself. I praise You for handpicking me. You are not a God who is far away. You are closer than I know. You long for me to draw near, so I approach Your throne of grace right now without fear of rejection. Heal my heart from the wounds of every spoken word over me that brought fear. I break every lie that tells me I am unwanted and unloved, because I know that I am accepted in the Beloved! My life is no mistake. My life was a part of God’s plan before I was in my mother’s womb. I refuse to come into agreement with the lies of the enemy that tell me I’ll never belong anywhere. I belong to God. I have a new name. I have family in Christ. 

Help me to forgive those who’ve rejected me and hurt me. Let me forgive like You. Help me to love like You. Remove any walls I have built up around my heart to protect myself. I wanted to protect myself but instead I pushed people away before they could hurt me. Holy Spirit, I give you permission to do a work in my heart and tear those walls down. Expose every stronghold of rejection that needs to come down. Touch my eyes that I might see You and others clearly, and not through the lens of rejection. I am not an orphan. I am a son or daughter. I am not forgotten. You know me by name. You know every intricate detail of my life. I am not rejected. I am accepted in the Beloved. God gave it all. Jesus paid it all that I would take my place as a son/ daughter of the Most High God. I could never thank You enough for what you’ve done, but I thank You anyway. I praise You. I bless You. I love You, Lord.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Have you wrestled with rejection? How did the article speak to you? 

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