Every time I hear the words from the song Even If, by Mercy Me, I’m transported back to a time in my life when hope eluded me. I couldn’t see light at the end of the tunnel, much less a mighty hand that could save. “I know you’re able and I know you can, save through the fire with your mighty hand, but even if you don’t, my hope is you alone.” These are the words of the chorus, which embody the theme of the song. This became a profound truth that changed my life. I realized I wasn’t in control of God’s timing or will. Nevertheless, he would help me navigate the fiery flames.

My “Even If” moment began in 2011. If it were me at the center of the crisis, that would be one thing, but it was my little boy. When he was in first grade, he began exhibiting motor and vocal tics. At first, they were subtle and did not interfere with daily life. I was certain they were just a phase. But over time they became more pronounced and debilitating. My husband and I sought the best doctors, hoping someone could help. After a year of consulting specialists, we were told he had Tourette Syndrome. When I heard those words, it felt like someone knocked the wind out of me.

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Knowing my son would need special care, I decided to leave my job to homeschool him. I did the best I could, but day in and day out, we dealt with the tics. Sometimes, he couldn’t hold his pencil because his hands kept twitching. Other times, his eyes were blinking so much he couldn’t read. On those days, I would go to my room and cry. I would ask Jesus: “Why is this happening to my baby? Will you please heal him, Lord … all You have to do is say the word, and he will be healed.”

In many ways, I was upset with God because I felt like He wasn’t answering my prayers. In the midst of this, however, I sensed that the Lord was trying to draw me closer to Him. I resisted at first, because I was disappointed and hurt. Still, He pursued my heart, and I responded by praying and reading the Bible more.

Four years passed, and my son’s condition did not improve. Though physical change seemed stagnant, spiritual change was evident in my son’s life, as well as mine. The Lord became our refuge — our hiding place, as Psalm 91:4 describes: He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge.

One morning I was reading the Bible and I came across this verse in James 5:14: Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well.

I decided to act on this verse. The members of our church laid hands on my son and prayed. The pastor asked not only for healing, but for the Lord to shed light on what was causing the tics. After the prayers, I felt a new wave of hope. Surely, the tics would subside, and my son would find relief.

That’s not what happened. To my shock, they worsened and became more intense. The tics were so bad that my son could barely talk, eat, or sleep. At one point he cried out: “Jesus, please help me.” It was too much to bear. At that time, I felt overwhelmed, confused, and angry. The church had prayed for him, and now his tics were out of control! I fell on my knees in prayer and desperation. “Jesus, why are you letting this happen? Why won’t you just heal him?” All my hope faded in that moment.

Frantic and helpless, I called the doctor and described how my son’s tics were so severe that he couldn’t function. She was surprised at how quickly the tics had increased and about their the intensity. This was not common, even with Tourette. Then, she said something that threw me for a loop. She suggested that I get him tested for strep throat. “Strep throat? He doesn’t even have a sore throat!” I argued.  The doctor urged me to do it anyway, so I complied.

That’s when the tide changed. He tested positive and within a few days they discovered he had an autoimmune disorder known as PANDAS (Pediatric Autoimmune Neuropsychiatric Disorders Associated with Streptococcal Infections). He was treated with a very high dose of antibiotics, and the tics vanished. It was the miracle I had been asking for. The doctor later said: “Sometimes things have to get worse in order to see the problem. If his tics hadn’t increased to this level, we may not have identified the cause.”

I realized the prayers worked, but in a way I hadn’t anticipated. The healing came, but after years of suffering. At the same time, I was a changed person. I had learned to seek Jesus with my whole heart. In addition, my family had grown closer, and we were less dependent on the things of this world.

For months after my son’s treatment, we were on cloud nine. With the tics in the past, we were moving toward a bright future. But then some tics reemerged. A wave of fear swept over me. How could this be happening again? The doctor, however, had warned us that the antibiotics were not a cure. Though my son’s condition improved dramatically, the autoimmune disease he suffered from would leave him susceptible to strep bacteria and other infections that would affect his tics. In essence, it wasn’t completely over. On a positive note, now that he had the proper diagnosis, various treatments were able to keep his condition at bay. He still had some tics, but they were minor compared to what they’d been before he was diagnosed. It was still an amazing miracle, even if there were tics that remained.

Today my son is an energetic teenager who is doing well, both socially and academically. He still faces daily obstacles, but we overcome them with Jesus as our faithful guide. The whole experience has changed my life forever. Traumatic as it was, I have learned to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and to trust His timing.

Recently, when our nation went into crisis mode, I reminded myself often of the things the Lord had showed me through my son’s medical challenges. Firstly, healing doesn’t always come right away. Oftentimes, it’s a gradual process. It’s during this time that we draw closer to the Lord so He can mold us into the people He wants us to be. We might get angry or disillusioned when God doesn’t act within our timeframe. In my case, it took four years of waiting to get the proper diagnosis. Even after treatment, however, there were battles. But I could still see great healing and transformation taking place. Because of my son’s situation, I ended up pursuing things I would never have dreamed. I’ve written books and started a blog, and here I am writing this article. I can share all the wonderful things Jesus has taught me and my family.

Our nation is going through a tough time. We all want a miracle right now. But it may not come when or how we want. Healing is a process, and only God knows how long the stages will take. During times of crisis, we are more apt to take shelter under the wings of Jesus. Even baby birds know this. When a predator is close, it’s natural for chicks to hide under their mother’s wings. It’s in times like these that our nation must take shelter with the Lord.

Singer and songwriter Bart Millard (of Mercy Me) wrote the song Even If to reach people in their times of crisis. He had this to say in an interview: “We’ve had bad days. I’ve had awful days with my child having a chronic illness, and there are times where I feel like I can’t do this anymore. I want to be like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego and say ‘I know that God will deliver me but if he doesn’t, I’m still not going to bow. I will still worship him and he’s still worthy to be praised.’ I want to be that guy.”

No matter what’s going on in your life and in our nation, there is always hope. While studying the story of Jericho, I learned something astounding. Rahab hung a scarlet cord from her window and this guaranteed she would not perish with the rest of the city. In the King James version, Joshua 2:18 reads: Behold, when we come into the land, thou shalt bind this line of scarlet thread in the window which thou didst let us down by; and thou shalt bring thy father, and thy mother, and thy brethren, and all thy father’s household, home unto thee. The word “line” in this verse is tiqvah in Hebrew. This word actually has two definitions. The first meaning is a cord, but the second one is hope, expectation, or the thing one longs for. This brings new life to the story of Jericho, because we know that Rahab and her family were spared because of the scarlet cord (line). She was hanging more than a cord from the window — she was hanging her expectations and her hope, knowing that only the God of Israel could save her.

Yet, there’s another piece to discover as we look at the word for hope. The root of the word tiqvah (hope) is qavah. This word means to wait, look for and eagerly expect. From this, we see that waiting is an essential element of hope. In our time of eager expectation, we fix our eyes on what we know God is able to do, rather than on what we are able to do.

Do you know that even the waters waited for God?  The first time qavah (wait) is used in the Bible is found in Genesis 1:9: And God said, “Let the waters be gathered [wait-qavah] together in one place, and let the dry land appear.”  In verse 9, the waters waited as God commanded. The idea is that the waters did not move ahead of God. Instead, they waited for just the right time.

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope [tiqvah] and a future.”

Even if we face the fiery furnace, even if we face the raging sea, we have a rope to grab onto. Sometimes, that seems far away, as we eagerly and painfully wait — but if we reach out for this tiqvah, we will grow, endure, and thrive. As the song by Mercy Me beautifully reminds us, even if our mountains do not move right away, may He give us the strength to be able to sing that it is well with our souls.

What ‘Even If’ moments have you faced? How have they changed you as a believer? Share below.

Angela Rodriguez is an author, blogger, and home-schooling mom who studies the historical and biblical connections between Israel and the U.S. You can visit her blogs at 67owls.com and 100trumpets.com. Her latest book, Psalm 91: Under the Wings of Jesus, was released in June 2021.